5/19/2019

Day Four - It is easy

The place I want to be, the place that I crave is sweet and kind and clean. It is generous and bountiful and gentle and so low impact it’s barely a whisper. It’s the air on a dewy Sunday morning.  It is uncomplicated, simple. It is a source of energy and inspiration and continuous light.

I won’t dwell on whether I’ve ever been there or the places I’ve been or where I’m coming from. Not today at least. In this moment I wonder what it’s like to instead focus on how that feeling of infinite goodness and purity and light is within us all.  What if we identify with that instead of the early am eye crust? What if we can delight in the wabi sabi of it all and not change a thing?

No adding. No taking away. Just increasing the pause. Maybe this is how time gets bigger. Maybe it just needs space to expand like a smile. The muscles move and rise, releasing dopamine at their peak and then the process begins again. Waves pulling back and then crashing on the shore. Seasons changing. Seeds sprouting, growing, and dying.

I woke up and immediately was disoriented and my mind’s idea of coordinates was a to-do list. Every fun pleasurable beautiful option for the day and for the week rattling off and my being cringed. I don’t need to get rid of things maybe or stop acquiring things maybe. Trace it back to the source. Hold the electronic device and fumble for the electrical chord and trace it back through tangles and furniture and false connections to the source. Find where it’s plugged in. My thoughts. So don’t move for a moment or a few and don’t talk for a moment or a few and just notice the thoughts. The emergency in my head is something my mind is breathing existence into and I can stop at any time.

I settle in and write. And I walk someone else through a basic yoga practice and I forget what time it is. Just inhale your arms up, exhale your arms down. Breathe five times. I want to hold onto this during my yoga practice. I want it to be like this without having to fly across the planet to the main shala in India. I want it to be in me and in others so I don’t have to hold the space. I want it to be at the office and the grocery store and at awkward chance meetings with ex’s and family holidays.

And it’s funny how it is right here. That feeling is right now.  Yoga is the cessation of the thinking mind. Rest in your true nature. This is how we live now, ok. Keep the light switch on.

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