Day Five - The minimalist decision tree

Day five on this little 30 day writing challenge that I have imposed on myself is the hardest so far.

Ok, just show up. Ok.

I don't know what to write.  I am tired.  I never fully woke up today.  I am moody and irritable.  Can't form complete thoughts.  I quit spanish class.  No connection with the divine creative magic of art and beauty.   Frustrated.  Just me in I give up clothes embarrassed to be completely honest about my secret clutter places.  

Did you know your phone tracks your screen time?  Apparently I was on my phone for 19 hours in the last 7 days.  I immediately explained this away to music.   That makes sense.  I was listening to music in the background, right? I have been extremely frugal with messaging and have deleted most apps and have detoxed social media- finally.  Must be the music.  Don't worry, your phone lists how those 19 hours of life you will never get back were spent.  My music playing was only about an hour and a half of that.  The majority of the 19 hours were spent on non-specific internet usage.  Don't worry, I was just on the internet for the equivalent of a part-time job.  Doing what -- I have no idea.  

This is crazy.

Today I deleted all the bookmarks I had saved on my internet browser.  Was I really going to go back and visit each of those sites?  For what?  Is that how I want to spend my time? I recycled the pile of articles sitting on the table.  Both just monuments to why don't you make more time to read?  What's wrong with you? I thought you were serious about this?  For some reason my habit is to collect all related items to a thing in order to learn it. Even if I never get to reading the articles. What's funny is how the world felt like it would end when I picked up the papers to recycle them and when I went to hit delete.  How quickly my brain attached importance to something that didn't exist seconds before and that I forgot soon after.  How my brain associated things with knowledge and ability and actualization.

I think that is part of what this practice is about.  Start on the outside -- the objects, the self care, the relationships, slowly move into the more subtle, into the mind.  Observe my own thoughts.  Observe my habits, patterns, reactions, behaviors.  Unlcutter, clarity.  Becoming attuned to what matters and operating from a razor-sharp bullshit meter.

It is about complete, uncomfortable, terrible, awkward, sweet, wonderful honesty.  

Behold -- results from present research as a reminder to myself when I don't know how to proceed that I am implementing posthaste:

The minimalist decision tree

1. Does it feel good?

      2.  No
           3. Is it necessary?

                4. If Yes --> Only in small doses
                4. If No --> Don't do it/buy it/keep it/think it

      2.  Yes
           3. Is it depleting, neutral, or energizing?

                4. Focus on energizing and neutral, minimize depleting
 
Goodnight and good luck.